A startling claim has been made that England’s historic 4-2 World Cup win in 1966 was faked. “It is inconceivable that England as it was then could have beaten a nation as sophisticated as West Germany,” argues chiropodist Morton Nearside. “After all, if its so easy for us to do it back then, why haven’t we ever gone back and won the World Cup again in the years since?”

He argues the victory had to be staged to boost national morale. “We had to do it to maintain our standing,” he says. “Remember: this was the Cold War. It was essential for us to embarrass West Germany, Russia, Sweden or whoever we were up against in that.” He points to alleged video evidence of an unknown “lone Linesman” standing on the grass near the German goal. “Besides, did we even have film cameras in 1966? I’m not sure we did…